Lost, that's how I would describe myself, about 6 months ago. Now that I am found, not necessarily from being lost as in having lost salvation, I feel like my head just cleared, from the fog of sleep. That sleep was taken in the confused ignorance of mulitiple ways of looking at things, most of them wrong, taught by multiple teachers and preachers of varying denomination loyalties and theological educational levels and understanding.
After months of exposure to EWTN, Relevant Radio and other things decidedly Catholic, my vision is clearer now, and my grasp of what God wants of me, in this life, is also very much clearer. It's sad, I always think, that it always takes me forever to find the points of clarity that were there the whole time, in my spiritual life. Must I always take the long way around to getting to the facts? Apparently, I must, because I do it every time.
What's ahead will be clearer and better, but I still wonder, knowing me, if there are other things that will suddenly become clear, even though they have been right under my nose, the whole time. My right to be unhappy about the circumstances of my life, especially the spiritual aspects of it, disintigrate, under the full responsibility I must take for sitting in a sea of denial, over the decades of my life, even though, as a very young child, I already knew all I needed to know to avoid all the pitfalls I have fallen into, over time.
Parents have excellent advice and wisdom to offer their children, and spiritual leaders have excellent direction to give as well. It's too bad the rebel in me decided to go her own way and did so mulitiple times at life's crossroads, and ignored the wisdom and knowledge of those wiser than herself.
That said, there are people, especially in media, that one should take the directions of with a whole block of salt, on down to a pinch. The one who can guide you as to how much salt if any, to use, is the Holy Spirit. I am far less concerned about the salvation of those being steeped in orthodox doctrines in their neighborhood churches than those listening to flashy styles and fancy vocabulary from televangelists. That stuff is educational, only to the degree that is factual and stands the test of time, the Catholic Church applies to it's doctrines and practices.
While I can't say I get all of what the Catholic Church teaches and the whys behind it all, I am coming to an understanding of why all it's changes are methodically slow and calculated, and based on far more than the Bible. Some stuff was not written down. I have yet to have a question about my faith and it's doctrines that the Church fathers hadn't already covered centuries ago.
Now I know my way. My way is through Jesus Christ, the Holy Trinity, and the teachings of the Church, which does not change with the winds of social climates or cultural aborations. All of the saints, including Mother Mary, and all of the angels, still loyal to God agree with God, on all of the truth. What a steady compass we have, in the Catholic (Universal) Church. I've heard the number of the protestant denominations stated in the tens of thousands. Now which one of those should I look to, to know the whole truth?
I am no longer a roming Catholic. Now I am comfortable in my place and blooming where God in His excellent generosity to me, planted me.
