Monday, May 28, 2012
Little Angels
As I prayed, during the 4th watch, one morning, I saw angels. There were three, and they were visible either in my imagination or mind's eye for only seconds. The first ran away into the light, at a bit of a distance from me. The second passed by me, at not so great a distance, and the 3rd came up to my face, to peak at me. It's hard to remember if I dreamed this, or if my mind imaged all this as I prayed, but I was told the angels got curious about what I was doing and came to check it out. When I saw them, I didn't understand them to be angels, because they were like very wee children, darting about away, past and to me and away again. Remembering it, regardless of it's nature, real or imagine, dreaming or awake, makes me feel all smily inside.
Forgiveness Is One of God's Greatest Blessings
The forgiveness I am speaking of is not His forgiveness of us. Most Christians know very well how forgiven they are and for how horribly much they are forgiven, and what a blessing that is. What I am writing about, today, has to do with how freeing and blessed it is to have Him instill you with a heart of forgiveness for others, even those who do the most damage, in your life. After decades of struggling to forgive, from my own heart, I began to aquire God's heart for others and understand how much responsibility I have for the care and love of others, especially my enemies.
What would be my destiny, if I failed to forgive others enough to want them to share Heaven with me, is damnation. I know this as surely as I know He has forgiven me, so much more than I deserve to be forgiven for, in a lifetime of stumbling through life, injuring others, along the way through insensitivities, oversights, omissions and commissions, slights, ignorances, inattentions, snappings and grumblings, whinings and complainings, unappreciation, self absorbings, disturbings and many other things that we all do to others, as we stumble through life.
Others can cause us great griefs and harms. However, most of the time, we are clueless as to how and when we injur others, ourselves. We especially are careless with strangers, we may never see again. Our impatience and hurriedness is often a source of grief for those in service jobs and positions. Those tears we see are ours to dry. The wounds we see are ours to bandage. The sorrow we see is ours to console away. God doesn't send anyone or anything into our path that can not help us to be Him, more and more, as we journey through life and seek out oneness with Him and likeness to Him. Even the most difficult people and circumstances can be food for the health of a soul.
Catholicism is all about the pursuit of holiness and holiness requires the capacity to receive injury and not cease to love those that He sends into our path. It is not optional to forgive, it is essential that we develop the capacity to forgive injury from others and receive those who do us harm as forgiven, and it is a great gift, a great grace, and an incomparable blessing to be able to do so, and to be doing so, in all circumstances. There is no more freeing act of love than forgiveness.
Without the capacity to let go of hurt, we wollow in it and are bogged down and dragged down towards earth and it's earthly chains of sadness, hurt, disappointment, resentment, anger and all those other things that being hurt can bring about in your heart. It hurts our own hearts to hold in and hold on to hurt and any bitterness we may have over that hurt. It is not healthy to hold on to and hold in all of that. We die younger for having done so and each new wound just lessens our lifespan all the more.
Freedom in Christ comes in putting Him on like a garment, to change ourselves into His true likeness body, mind and soul. Judgement belongs to God for a reason. None of us knows the heart of another like He does, so none of us can accurately judge another. We can not see deep into the heart of even our best friends and family to know what may be motivating them or influencing what they are doing. Letting go and letting God is essential, when it comes to judgement.
It is not that I recommend trusting so completely that you become a victim of another repeatedly, for lack of the wisdom and savvy to know better than to leave an open invitation to walk on you. However, I do recommend that you never give a cold shoulder, never give back what you receive, and always receive others, regardless of their track record with you, in love and acceptance where they are, on their journey Home. We can't be truly free until we are free to openly love others, without hesitation. Trust is a whole other subject, from love. We can love, even those we don't trust.
My heart I find, can only soar to Heaven to be in God's company, when I leave behind all that dead weight of whatever I may have to forgive, at that moment. The experience of prayer is greatest, when we meet God on His terms. Forgiveness is one of the terms He insists on for a complete and whole relationship with Him.
Know that if you have done something to injur me, that forgiveness is already yours. If in the future you do more harm, there will still be forgiveness for you. Trust betrayed, may take time to restore, and caution is necessary there, but the love of Christ in me, can not fail to love you or I am not His, at all, after all. You have as long as it takes for Him to come take me Home, to change course with me. After that, you still have my forgiveness, but resolving your issues will become a whole lot more difficult without my words of forgiveness to hear.
Forgiveness in our hearts truly sets us free. Lack of forgiveness could forever weigh us down, so that we can not ascend to Heaven, in this life or the next.
What would be my destiny, if I failed to forgive others enough to want them to share Heaven with me, is damnation. I know this as surely as I know He has forgiven me, so much more than I deserve to be forgiven for, in a lifetime of stumbling through life, injuring others, along the way through insensitivities, oversights, omissions and commissions, slights, ignorances, inattentions, snappings and grumblings, whinings and complainings, unappreciation, self absorbings, disturbings and many other things that we all do to others, as we stumble through life.
Others can cause us great griefs and harms. However, most of the time, we are clueless as to how and when we injur others, ourselves. We especially are careless with strangers, we may never see again. Our impatience and hurriedness is often a source of grief for those in service jobs and positions. Those tears we see are ours to dry. The wounds we see are ours to bandage. The sorrow we see is ours to console away. God doesn't send anyone or anything into our path that can not help us to be Him, more and more, as we journey through life and seek out oneness with Him and likeness to Him. Even the most difficult people and circumstances can be food for the health of a soul.
Catholicism is all about the pursuit of holiness and holiness requires the capacity to receive injury and not cease to love those that He sends into our path. It is not optional to forgive, it is essential that we develop the capacity to forgive injury from others and receive those who do us harm as forgiven, and it is a great gift, a great grace, and an incomparable blessing to be able to do so, and to be doing so, in all circumstances. There is no more freeing act of love than forgiveness.
Without the capacity to let go of hurt, we wollow in it and are bogged down and dragged down towards earth and it's earthly chains of sadness, hurt, disappointment, resentment, anger and all those other things that being hurt can bring about in your heart. It hurts our own hearts to hold in and hold on to hurt and any bitterness we may have over that hurt. It is not healthy to hold on to and hold in all of that. We die younger for having done so and each new wound just lessens our lifespan all the more.
Freedom in Christ comes in putting Him on like a garment, to change ourselves into His true likeness body, mind and soul. Judgement belongs to God for a reason. None of us knows the heart of another like He does, so none of us can accurately judge another. We can not see deep into the heart of even our best friends and family to know what may be motivating them or influencing what they are doing. Letting go and letting God is essential, when it comes to judgement.
It is not that I recommend trusting so completely that you become a victim of another repeatedly, for lack of the wisdom and savvy to know better than to leave an open invitation to walk on you. However, I do recommend that you never give a cold shoulder, never give back what you receive, and always receive others, regardless of their track record with you, in love and acceptance where they are, on their journey Home. We can't be truly free until we are free to openly love others, without hesitation. Trust is a whole other subject, from love. We can love, even those we don't trust.
My heart I find, can only soar to Heaven to be in God's company, when I leave behind all that dead weight of whatever I may have to forgive, at that moment. The experience of prayer is greatest, when we meet God on His terms. Forgiveness is one of the terms He insists on for a complete and whole relationship with Him.
Know that if you have done something to injur me, that forgiveness is already yours. If in the future you do more harm, there will still be forgiveness for you. Trust betrayed, may take time to restore, and caution is necessary there, but the love of Christ in me, can not fail to love you or I am not His, at all, after all. You have as long as it takes for Him to come take me Home, to change course with me. After that, you still have my forgiveness, but resolving your issues will become a whole lot more difficult without my words of forgiveness to hear.
Forgiveness in our hearts truly sets us free. Lack of forgiveness could forever weigh us down, so that we can not ascend to Heaven, in this life or the next.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Moving On
The present difficulty is not my fault. I am not the author of this horror that persists like a pestilence, nor do I have any control or remedy for it, by myself. God gives me His permission and grace to be at peace within Him and move on in that grace, with my life. My prayers will rise to Heaven for those who are the authors of this terrible lie and the damage it does.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Still On the Journey With Clearer Directions and Road Signs
Lost, that's how I would describe myself, about 6 months ago. Now that I am found, not necessarily from being lost as in having lost salvation, I feel like my head just cleared, from the fog of sleep. That sleep was taken in the confused ignorance of mulitiple ways of looking at things, most of them wrong, taught by multiple teachers and preachers of varying denomination loyalties and theological educational levels and understanding.
After months of exposure to EWTN, Relevant Radio and other things decidedly Catholic, my vision is clearer now, and my grasp of what God wants of me, in this life, is also very much clearer. It's sad, I always think, that it always takes me forever to find the points of clarity that were there the whole time, in my spiritual life. Must I always take the long way around to getting to the facts? Apparently, I must, because I do it every time.
What's ahead will be clearer and better, but I still wonder, knowing me, if there are other things that will suddenly become clear, even though they have been right under my nose, the whole time. My right to be unhappy about the circumstances of my life, especially the spiritual aspects of it, disintigrate, under the full responsibility I must take for sitting in a sea of denial, over the decades of my life, even though, as a very young child, I already knew all I needed to know to avoid all the pitfalls I have fallen into, over time.
Parents have excellent advice and wisdom to offer their children, and spiritual leaders have excellent direction to give as well. It's too bad the rebel in me decided to go her own way and did so mulitiple times at life's crossroads, and ignored the wisdom and knowledge of those wiser than herself.
That said, there are people, especially in media, that one should take the directions of with a whole block of salt, on down to a pinch. The one who can guide you as to how much salt if any, to use, is the Holy Spirit. I am far less concerned about the salvation of those being steeped in orthodox doctrines in their neighborhood churches than those listening to flashy styles and fancy vocabulary from televangelists. That stuff is educational, only to the degree that is factual and stands the test of time, the Catholic Church applies to it's doctrines and practices.
While I can't say I get all of what the Catholic Church teaches and the whys behind it all, I am coming to an understanding of why all it's changes are methodically slow and calculated, and based on far more than the Bible. Some stuff was not written down. I have yet to have a question about my faith and it's doctrines that the Church fathers hadn't already covered centuries ago.
Now I know my way. My way is through Jesus Christ, the Holy Trinity, and the teachings of the Church, which does not change with the winds of social climates or cultural aborations. All of the saints, including Mother Mary, and all of the angels, still loyal to God agree with God, on all of the truth. What a steady compass we have, in the Catholic (Universal) Church. I've heard the number of the protestant denominations stated in the tens of thousands. Now which one of those should I look to, to know the whole truth?
I am no longer a roming Catholic. Now I am comfortable in my place and blooming where God in His excellent generosity to me, planted me.
After months of exposure to EWTN, Relevant Radio and other things decidedly Catholic, my vision is clearer now, and my grasp of what God wants of me, in this life, is also very much clearer. It's sad, I always think, that it always takes me forever to find the points of clarity that were there the whole time, in my spiritual life. Must I always take the long way around to getting to the facts? Apparently, I must, because I do it every time.
What's ahead will be clearer and better, but I still wonder, knowing me, if there are other things that will suddenly become clear, even though they have been right under my nose, the whole time. My right to be unhappy about the circumstances of my life, especially the spiritual aspects of it, disintigrate, under the full responsibility I must take for sitting in a sea of denial, over the decades of my life, even though, as a very young child, I already knew all I needed to know to avoid all the pitfalls I have fallen into, over time.
Parents have excellent advice and wisdom to offer their children, and spiritual leaders have excellent direction to give as well. It's too bad the rebel in me decided to go her own way and did so mulitiple times at life's crossroads, and ignored the wisdom and knowledge of those wiser than herself.
That said, there are people, especially in media, that one should take the directions of with a whole block of salt, on down to a pinch. The one who can guide you as to how much salt if any, to use, is the Holy Spirit. I am far less concerned about the salvation of those being steeped in orthodox doctrines in their neighborhood churches than those listening to flashy styles and fancy vocabulary from televangelists. That stuff is educational, only to the degree that is factual and stands the test of time, the Catholic Church applies to it's doctrines and practices.
While I can't say I get all of what the Catholic Church teaches and the whys behind it all, I am coming to an understanding of why all it's changes are methodically slow and calculated, and based on far more than the Bible. Some stuff was not written down. I have yet to have a question about my faith and it's doctrines that the Church fathers hadn't already covered centuries ago.
Now I know my way. My way is through Jesus Christ, the Holy Trinity, and the teachings of the Church, which does not change with the winds of social climates or cultural aborations. All of the saints, including Mother Mary, and all of the angels, still loyal to God agree with God, on all of the truth. What a steady compass we have, in the Catholic (Universal) Church. I've heard the number of the protestant denominations stated in the tens of thousands. Now which one of those should I look to, to know the whole truth?
I am no longer a roming Catholic. Now I am comfortable in my place and blooming where God in His excellent generosity to me, planted me.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
Hates em. My left hand has a finger that cramps up so bad it's a screaming pain, to move it, after I have been keyboarding awhile. You would think something arthritic would get looser and better, with use, but this gets worse. My middle finger has received shots for trigger finger. Now, it appears to just be inflamed, with arthritis.
Then, there's the floater, in my left eye, that tends to get better with less staring at computer screens, and worse with more of that. Sensible people do what is sensible. Apparently, I am very slow at sensible, because here I sit banging away, with that painful finger, knowing I will want to cut it off, by nightfall, for having done that.
Most of us make our living, banging away on keyboards. I did so, for about 12 years and before that used my hands for sorting, lifting, sifting types of activity. The demands and pace of keyboarding heavy positions at work places are very rough on fingers and wrist despite any efforts at ergonomic consideration, for employees.
Just to save myself that screaming pain, at night time, I am considering getting myself off the net, permanently, or at least until I can afford to have this finger amputated. I'm kidding about the amputation, though I think that would be less painfull.
Still planning to take off and go north, next year, if at all possible. My desire to do so, grows by the day. Come January, I will begin the process of preparing my condominium for sale. Hopefully, I get enough out of it to pay off my debt to the point that I can afford nice living quarters up north. Whatever I do up there, rent or own, I will do it as inexpensively as possible, because my living environment is not first on my list of things that have to be perfect. That life amenity should be adequate for my needs and clean and warm, and then comes everything else I want out of life.
Made up my mind, not to seek employment, while still in Madison, and, instead, concentrate on the sale of this Madison home, so I can be on my way ASAP up to the northland from which I came. It has changed drastically, to the point that it seems like an alien land, however, much more family is there than here and I can always come visit those here, for special occassions, as does my ex, who lives in the northland.
There are friends there, that are good as gold, and whole families of folk I belong to up there, that I will be very much blessed to be back around, once again. I escaped unemployment when I came down here. Now, I am retired, pretty much and desire to be in familiar places, among familiar folk, though a lot of it has, due to much development and construction, become like a foreign land to me.
At least that decision is made. The computer thing will probably take some more nights of screaming and crying as quietly as possible, in pain, before I get it that, this too, I can do without. Perhaps I will see more of family, and hear by phone more or snail mail, once I am no longer electronically connected. Better I amputate internet, than my middle left finger, me thinks. Wonder how much pain it will take to get me off this electronic habit of mine?
Then, there's the floater, in my left eye, that tends to get better with less staring at computer screens, and worse with more of that. Sensible people do what is sensible. Apparently, I am very slow at sensible, because here I sit banging away, with that painful finger, knowing I will want to cut it off, by nightfall, for having done that.
Most of us make our living, banging away on keyboards. I did so, for about 12 years and before that used my hands for sorting, lifting, sifting types of activity. The demands and pace of keyboarding heavy positions at work places are very rough on fingers and wrist despite any efforts at ergonomic consideration, for employees.
Just to save myself that screaming pain, at night time, I am considering getting myself off the net, permanently, or at least until I can afford to have this finger amputated. I'm kidding about the amputation, though I think that would be less painfull.
Still planning to take off and go north, next year, if at all possible. My desire to do so, grows by the day. Come January, I will begin the process of preparing my condominium for sale. Hopefully, I get enough out of it to pay off my debt to the point that I can afford nice living quarters up north. Whatever I do up there, rent or own, I will do it as inexpensively as possible, because my living environment is not first on my list of things that have to be perfect. That life amenity should be adequate for my needs and clean and warm, and then comes everything else I want out of life.
Made up my mind, not to seek employment, while still in Madison, and, instead, concentrate on the sale of this Madison home, so I can be on my way ASAP up to the northland from which I came. It has changed drastically, to the point that it seems like an alien land, however, much more family is there than here and I can always come visit those here, for special occassions, as does my ex, who lives in the northland.
There are friends there, that are good as gold, and whole families of folk I belong to up there, that I will be very much blessed to be back around, once again. I escaped unemployment when I came down here. Now, I am retired, pretty much and desire to be in familiar places, among familiar folk, though a lot of it has, due to much development and construction, become like a foreign land to me.
At least that decision is made. The computer thing will probably take some more nights of screaming and crying as quietly as possible, in pain, before I get it that, this too, I can do without. Perhaps I will see more of family, and hear by phone more or snail mail, once I am no longer electronically connected. Better I amputate internet, than my middle left finger, me thinks. Wonder how much pain it will take to get me off this electronic habit of mine?
Monday, December 19, 2011
It's Not Easy Being Green
It's tough being a person with a rock solid conscience, in a world that refuses to have one. Been dealing with hackers and burglars. My computer was trashed, and much to my dismay, so was my storage unit, with all my games and songs on it. Lucky for me, my i phone is a storage unit for all my songs, and itunes is charging for downloads, I just found out, so I am better off out of there, for good.
Tried to play Cityville a bit ago. I've reisnstalled all my software, but so far my security has already detected 2 spywares and a trojan. It's a very sad world these days. It seems people don't hesitate to trash anything, without a cause, including your reputation. Then they turn around and use your trashed reputation as an excuse for already having trashed everything else, in your life.
Glad I am not any of those people and don't think like that or do like that. I've got my own faults to work out, but I have never lacked integrity, even when it hurt to be honest and even when it was down right dangerous to be honest.
He will see me through, no matter how much damage the enemy can convince these fools to do for him, against me. God will see me through the worst the devil can pitch at me. I love Him so, for being so careful of my fragile self.
Still on my way Home and having a great time, spending more time, with Him. Don't mind the company of saints and angels either. Good thing, since there are a lot of them up Home.
Tried to play Cityville a bit ago. I've reisnstalled all my software, but so far my security has already detected 2 spywares and a trojan. It's a very sad world these days. It seems people don't hesitate to trash anything, without a cause, including your reputation. Then they turn around and use your trashed reputation as an excuse for already having trashed everything else, in your life.
Glad I am not any of those people and don't think like that or do like that. I've got my own faults to work out, but I have never lacked integrity, even when it hurt to be honest and even when it was down right dangerous to be honest.
He will see me through, no matter how much damage the enemy can convince these fools to do for him, against me. God will see me through the worst the devil can pitch at me. I love Him so, for being so careful of my fragile self.
Still on my way Home and having a great time, spending more time, with Him. Don't mind the company of saints and angels either. Good thing, since there are a lot of them up Home.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Housekeeping Under Way
My life is becoming what it is meant to be and I am getting to where I want to be, in my present circumstances. We can't go back and make different decisions than were made in our youth. However, we can take a look at where we are now, where we want to be and what we want our lives to mean and be about, and bloom where we are planted. We have that option, and I have already taken that option, and reordered my days, accordingly.
There will be less of out here, or, possibly, none of out here. I have yet to make that decisions, and I see now that the decision hasn't quite yet been made for me. It turns out Windows expects me to buy an upgrade to keep this old machine of mine running. I don't want to have to buy anything, in order to accomplish that.
For years, I have been on and off the internet, toying with not being modern, and getting back to basics, from time to time, only to get sucked back into it by the facts of this world's communication and social structure that seems to require us to be out here, just to stay in the social loop, even with family.
I can't seem to make up my mind about it. The availability of resources out here is also a big draw, both in media and research, so it's going to be a tough thing to sever, from my life. It may be that I need to take a year or two off, only, just to bring my physical presence to where I want it.
I once thought I needed to live in my Madison world and my Neenah world both, then discovered that those in Madison, don't plan to stay in Madison, long term, so there is no point to keeping a residence here, and moving back home, to Neenah, PERIOD, would make more sence.
It feels unsettled, as long as I am in Madison, on my way to being in Neenah, at some point, so I am trying to accelerate that process, and be home soonest. Wish me well on that, because I have to wrap things up here, by selling my home, and that requires preparing it to sell, and then finding a buyer for it that will pay me what it's worth, so I can get back home, where I belong and want to be.
Meanwhile, spiritually, I have already brought myself, with God's good grace, back to where I belong and want to be. He has been so good and gracious to me, to show me myself, as I truly am and help me understand where I need to be, to be in His will, for my life. He has also waited, very patiently, for me to figure all that out.
Physically, not being where I want to be, is taking a toll on me, emotionally. My heart longs so to have it all accomplished, but it will have to take the time that it takes, to get the job done right, and leave me, in a good place to keep on as I have now begun, spiritually.
Now I am also on my way home, as well as on my way Home, and that is a great relief. God grant wings to my plans and get me home soon, with a safe take off, and a safe landing, as well, on both journeys home.
He's a good God. You can trust Him with all you have, and trust Him with all you are, as well.
There will be less of out here, or, possibly, none of out here. I have yet to make that decisions, and I see now that the decision hasn't quite yet been made for me. It turns out Windows expects me to buy an upgrade to keep this old machine of mine running. I don't want to have to buy anything, in order to accomplish that.
For years, I have been on and off the internet, toying with not being modern, and getting back to basics, from time to time, only to get sucked back into it by the facts of this world's communication and social structure that seems to require us to be out here, just to stay in the social loop, even with family.
I can't seem to make up my mind about it. The availability of resources out here is also a big draw, both in media and research, so it's going to be a tough thing to sever, from my life. It may be that I need to take a year or two off, only, just to bring my physical presence to where I want it.
I once thought I needed to live in my Madison world and my Neenah world both, then discovered that those in Madison, don't plan to stay in Madison, long term, so there is no point to keeping a residence here, and moving back home, to Neenah, PERIOD, would make more sence.
It feels unsettled, as long as I am in Madison, on my way to being in Neenah, at some point, so I am trying to accelerate that process, and be home soonest. Wish me well on that, because I have to wrap things up here, by selling my home, and that requires preparing it to sell, and then finding a buyer for it that will pay me what it's worth, so I can get back home, where I belong and want to be.
Meanwhile, spiritually, I have already brought myself, with God's good grace, back to where I belong and want to be. He has been so good and gracious to me, to show me myself, as I truly am and help me understand where I need to be, to be in His will, for my life. He has also waited, very patiently, for me to figure all that out.
Physically, not being where I want to be, is taking a toll on me, emotionally. My heart longs so to have it all accomplished, but it will have to take the time that it takes, to get the job done right, and leave me, in a good place to keep on as I have now begun, spiritually.
Now I am also on my way home, as well as on my way Home, and that is a great relief. God grant wings to my plans and get me home soon, with a safe take off, and a safe landing, as well, on both journeys home.
He's a good God. You can trust Him with all you have, and trust Him with all you are, as well.
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